Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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