Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he thought i was a dude.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
this is an emotional support booty call
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
