all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
