Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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