Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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