Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
