Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Found the puke drawer
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
