I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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