Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Randomize
