i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
