I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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