Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
