At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We left an ass print on the piano.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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