just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
there is puke in my bra ... again
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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