I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
