no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
