all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
