there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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