There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
