dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
