What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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