Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So many bounce houses so little time
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
