Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
