Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
