in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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