just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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