i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
