at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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