My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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