I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
