the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
