Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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