I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
