The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
