one two three fourrrrnication!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
