Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Non-Jews are for practice
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
