you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
