I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
