Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
