My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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