That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
