She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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