If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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