"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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