dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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