Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
