we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
