dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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