I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
