Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
