Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
