Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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